Valentine’s day – a whole day in February dedicated to love, romance, hearts, roses and chocolate. We all love that day, don’t we, right? Nope, not really! There are millions of couples all over the world who find that holiday especially cheesy and want to do something entirely different than expected by the society. And that’s the main reason Sloth decided to dedicate this article in the spirit of Anti-Valentine’s like some Grinch who has expanded far beyond Christmas.
So, what are our picks for the couples who want to go Anti-Valentine’s way this year and do something weird or non-romantic? Let’s find out! Oh, and before that one small disclaimer: take this list with a sense of humor :).
1. Shots, flames and explosions
Nothing says “Screw you, Cupid!” better than loud bangs, high flames and matter obliterating explosions. Ok, that was a bit exaggerated, but you get the point. The best way to get a hold of the guns legally is your local shooting range. Lock and load and rip those paper targets apart!
If you have a personal stand against firearms or loud noises, burn something! Find a suitable spot and burn stuff. Old pictures and letters, gifts from exes, old toys or just firewood – it’s all good. Beware, bonfires can get romantic quite fast.
Then there are explosions, and we’re not talking about some ugly terrorist bullshit here. Score yourselves a bag full of fireworks, find a suitable spot for blowing it all up without disturbing any people or pets.
This one is important! You probably don’t want to spend Anti-Valentine’s day without your fingers next year. Prison also doesn’t sound too good, so keep your celebrations quiet and on the safe side.
2. Visit an escape room
Our next fun activity for romance-free Valentine’s ist o get yourself locked in a basement of a deranged scientist or ax murderer. Sounds fun, right? Of course, we don’t advice you to find perverts and psychopaths in the real world, that sounds a bit too far. This time we are talking about the escape rooms, which by this day are operating in every town and village.
Solving all those puzzles and riddles is a nice way to get to know your partner better in those situations where stress levels might get a little bit higher than usual.
3. Watch a horror or a gore movie
You can get the chills and goosebumps also without leaving your living room. The best way to invite demons, monsters and chainsaw-wielding psychos to your home is through movies.
Here you should also apply the Anti-Valentine’s rule of thumb – the scarier or gorier the movie is, the more suitable the film is for celebrating your Anti-valentine’s.
Sloth’s go-to recommendation would be evergreen love story called The Human Centipede. Warning! This movie is definitely not meant for everyone. So beware that things might turn shitty in this horror masterpiece.
4. Play video games
Why watch a movie when you can jump into a similar experience while being in charge of all the moves of the protagonists. Video games is a romance killer for millions of people all around the world. For the sake of our list, it Works out just fine. There are hundreds and hundreds of blood-chilling horror games available on every platform, just pick one, and you’re good to go.
Other excellent genres of video games are the ones known as beat-em-ups. Those are the games where two (or more) characters fight each other. Sloth would recommend one of the most well-known (also one of the goriest) beat-em-up franchise of all times. – yeah, we are talking about legendary Mortal Kombat. “Finish him! Fatality!”
5. Go and watch some sports
Here’s one of the most anti-romantic thing ever – watching sweaty jocks compete each other on the court, rink or field. If there happens to be some sort of boxing or MMA event taking place in your hometown don’t even hesitate and book your least romantic evening of the year now!
If there’s that annoying Kiss-Cam thing going on at the venue, feel free to make a statement with your middle fingers if you’re feeling real punk rock and anti-romance that evening.
Why watch? While other couples eat heart-shaped chocolates with heart-shaped strawberries, you hit the gym and burn the same amount of calories those cheesy couples gently put in each other’s mouths.
6. Write poems… About everything except love and romance
Poems and song lyrics can be the most intimate and romantic thing there is. Or vice versa. Just take a look at some of the hip-hop or heavy metal lyrics. If you can decipher anything from slang-riddled words spit out by rappers or those demonic growls of lead singers of some underground metal band you have the know-how of creating some of the most un-romantic poems ever.
If you have a thing for more light-hearted humor, your poems can also be just silly and funny compositions of rhyming words. You all remember some nursery rhymes, right? Then let these be your inspiration.
7. Party time!
Make it a proper bash with no room for romance. Yo know what it’s like – loud music, police stopping by, spray paint on the walls sort of stuff. One sure way of making a party like this is to collect 50 bucks from all the attendees and turn that money into an open bar (a.k.a. Booze buffet). Sloth has seen some of the parties built on that format, and they were one of the wildest Project X type of get-togethers we’ve ever witnessed.
Sloth hopes you got a few ideas how to celebrate alternative Valentine’s this year. And once again, keep your parties and bonfires under control and in the frames of common sense. Enjoy your Anti-Valentine’s!